By Nicole Sivan
I always enjoy weddings in Israel much more than I do in the United States. Israeli weddings, while still overly extravagant, budget-blowing events, are very relaxed affairs. No suit or tie, no bridesmaids and groomsmen and no formal introduction of the happy couple to their guests. In the place of all the pomp and circumstance, Israeli weddings instead promise a night of abundant wine, tasty food, and heart-pumping music. A wedding in Israel is a true party event–bring your dancing shoes. No one will accept excuses for being too old, too fat, or too out of it to party like a twenty-something. You will be expected out on the dance floor jumping in the flashing lights and shaking to the techno groove no matter your age, weight or profession. An Israeli wedding is a celebration!
No offense to my American friends, but I often find your weddings tedious and boring. I hate being forced to get up early on a Saturday morning, don my best dress and get to the church by ten. I’m exhausted before the ceremony even begins and I am not feeling much like partying on my first morning off after a long work week. No food or drinks are offered prior to the ceremony and I wait until noon for it to end and the cocktail hour to begin. I hungrily inhale hors d’oeuvre after the ceremony and make chitchat with a distant cousin who flew in from Chicago while I wait for the bride and groom to get their pictures taken. And, although I have come to celebrate their day, I haven’t yet spoken a word of congratulations to the couple. After an hour of milling around, I am ushered into the main reception hall where I seek out my name card at a table with the strangers with whom I have been assigned to spend the day. The DJ then makes an announcement asking us all to welcome Mr. and Mrs. So and So into the reception hall, together for the first time, as man and wife. Yeah! Now the party can start. Hmm… maybe not. A formal dinner is served but I am no longer hungry for the meal after overindulging during cocktail hour. Picking at my food, I wait for the speeches to end. Finally the dancing begins, although how much I can get into the groove of the music on a Saturday afternoon is debatable. Around five in the evening I begin to make my excuses, offer my congratulations to the happy couple, and head out the door with thoughts of last minute Saturday night laundry, Sunday morning swim lessons, and unfinished kids’ homework on my mind. It was fun, sort of.
Now, let’s compare such an event to an Israeli wedding. While you may be invited to a few Israeli weddings on weekday evenings or Friday mornings since it is cheaper to book a venue at these times, most Israeli weddings will occur on Thursday evenings. Thursday is the last work day of the Israeli week, making it a perfect night for guests to let loose, party, and forget about the clock. While theoretically Friday night would also make a nice, relaxing night for a wedding, Friday night is Shabbat and no weddings are ever scheduled during this time, no matter how secular and unbelieving the couple. Besides, good luck finding a Rabbi who will marry you on Shabbat.
The ceremony for a Jewish/Israeli wedding must take place either before or after sundown, depending on which day the couple wants to be married. In the Jewish calendar a new day starts and ends with the setting of the sun. The bride and groom will prepare for the ceremony early in the afternoon while all of their guests are still at work and school. When they are dressed in their wedding attire, hair and makeup flawless, they will have their formal wedding pictures taken in a pre-chosen setting; not necessarily their wedding venue. So, yes, their wedding photos are shot before they are technically man and wife. After the pictures are taken, the couple travels to the site of their wedding where their guests are starting to arrive. Guests are invited to the wedding an hour to two before the actual wedding ceremony for cocktails and hors d’oeuvres.
However, expect everyone, even the ceremony, to be late. Nobody and nothing in Israel is ever on time. During this pre-wedding cocktail hour, the bar is open and food stations serving mini meals and creative appetizers are set up all around the wedding hall or wedding garden. It is a true feast and is usually a meal in its self. The bride and groom wander freely among the guests during this hour welcoming friends and family, chatting and accepting congratulations. As the sun begins to dip below the horizon, the bride and groom take their leave to sign the ketubah, the Jewish wedding contract. As the ceremony is set to start, the groom is led down the aisle to the chuppah with one parent on each arm. His parents then take their place behind him under the chuppah. Next comes the bride, also with one parent on each arm, and she takes her place besides her future husband, her parents close behind her. Parents are an integral part of the Jewish wedding ceremony and they remain standing with the couple through its entirety.
When the service is over, marked by the breaking of a glass and a kiss, a song of the couple’s choosing is played and guests rush to the chuppah to hug, kiss and congratulate the newly married couple. After offering congratulations to the overwhelmed couple, you are now free to enjoy the party. Music, drinks and food will dominate the night. The buffet will open for dinner– grab a plate, some good food and sit at any table you like. There is no formal seating here. In fact, when you are done with your seat someone else who is taking a break from the dance floor might claim it. There is no set dinner hour, no assigned seating, and no formal schedule for this party. Enjoy the opportunity mingle and table hop, catching up with distant friends and family.
As evening blends into night the party will really get pumping and it is a heartwarming sight to see people of all ages working up a sweat on the dance floor. This is a real party and Israelis are always enthusiastic for a happy event. And in a country that has seen as much war as Israel, weddings shouldn’t be a formality. They should be a commemoration of love, hope, happiness, and the promise of future generations who will continue the celebration.
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Cynthia says
Sounds lovely!