By Esther (The other one)
On March 1st I entered into the one full time job that requires no contract and lasts forever; as a mother, to our first child, Shmuel Moshe. Born 3.4 kilos, he is certainly the smallest employer I’ve had, but to date I will admit that I was more terrified at the onset of our time together than I was at the start of any other job!
Only God knows how naturally awkward I am around children and babies. They have always scared me as I just never know what to say to them or what to do with them! When He opened the door for me to teach English in Israel I certainly wasn’t jumping for joy. I believe I only succeeded to call myself a teacher – after two of the hardest years of my life – as it was indeed where God wanted to teach me to totally depend on Him to provide all the qualities I naturally lacked.
I had the sense that becoming a mother was going to be a similar exercise in trusting God to ‘fill in the gaps’. There were many! When we brought Shmuel home, both my husband and I realised we knew nothing about caring for a newborn and went online to start figuring it all out! We struggled to change diapers, successfully burp our baby and operate car seats, strollers and baby carriers. I had to seriously trust that God knew what He was doing in making us the parents! An even more major ‘I’m a terrible mother’ moment arrived on the morning of the seventh day, when I realised I had not arranged our son’s circumcision – due to take place on the eighth day! I managed to find a wonderful doctor online and in time, but I needed some serious reassurance that I was indeed qualified for this job!
It comforted me to remember that God is indeed in charge of everything and the provider of everything. He opened Sarah’s womb when she was at an age of a great grandmother, to raise up Isaac (whose name in Hebrew comes from the root ‘to laugh’ because Sarah laughed at the angel who told her she would be pregnant!) I can imagine she also felt inadequate for the task ahead! I knew I needed to trust that God had provided the family He wanted for us at the time He wanted and knew to be right.
It also comforted me to remember that God had a plan for us to be Shmuel’s parents before he was even conceived. Time for a story! Soon after we were married, my bible reading plan began at the book of Samuel. As I read, I felt a special love for this humble and obedient little boy, whose mother had dedicated him to God from birth and to whom God chose to speak, during a time in Israel when this had become rare and prophets were scarce. A day or two into my reading, I couldn’t shake the connection I felt with this little boy-prophet. I asked God that if Samuel was a name He wanted for our first child, that He would affirm it by speaking to my husband and I wouldn’t say a word in the meantime.
A few weeks after that, we were at a party to celebrate the birth of a baby boy to friends of ours. Now Zack, my husband, has the gift of conversing with the Lord, as with a friend. While we had been sitting amongst the celebrations, God asked him, ‘What is the one thing you would ask of me for your first child?’ Zack responded, ‘I want that he hear Your voice. God then told him that he would name his first child Samuel. “So what do you think about that?” Zack asked me. He was super surprised to find out that I’d prayed about that exact name a month earlier! He was even more touched when I told him that in Hebrew the name Samuel – Shmuel – literally means ‘heard God. We both got excited! It is always humbling and awesome when God so clearly steps in!
During these first weeks ‘on the job’ as a mother it has however been a challenge to ‘be still and know that I am God’ (Psalm 46:10). I was overwhelmed by the responsibility of being Shmuel’s sole provider, even though I knew I needed to trust that God was behind me all the way. I knew I had to start practicing what I preach to a whole new level! I had to trust that God would give me the strength and wisdom in an area where I had none and in the practical realm, that God would put the little one to sleep!
My new position also touched another nerve; my pride. I knew I had to look after our new son, but I wasnt ready for how little time that would leave me for my regular duties. It began to frustrate me, when all I’d managed to do in a day was feed the baby and make the bed! It was then that I realised I had come to rely on my routine for a sense of achievement and worth, rather than let God’s love be enough. He certainly didnt care whether I’d done the dishes, but would sure have something to say if I wasnt taking good care of the child He had blessed us with. Then a good friend, my mother, my husband and my husband’s mother all affirmed this was God’s will by giving me the same advice: stop trying to be mother, wife, house-cleaner and chef. Enjoy serving and loving Shmuel: that was my job now.
It was humbling to let our newborn lead my day. It meant that I had no idea when and if I would get any of my regular errands done. Oh how I wished caring for a baby was something I could tick off my lists, like laundry! But I threw out my lists, cuddled up with my new employer and then something great happened; Shmuel became more comforted and settled and would nap or sit quietly in his bouncy chair without me trying to make him! He gave me time to accomplish the other stuff! Sometimes the time was ample, sometimes not, but the main thing was that Shmuel knew his mother was there for him and everything else that didn’t have a heart and soul to nurture, got done eventually!
Since accepting that I am now in full-time service of our son, he has fast become my favourite boss. Every day he does something a little different. I have the privilege of watching him grow into a little person, with his very own unique character. There is nothing boring about any of it. He cooes, smiles, routinely poops on me and he is no doubt the cutest boss I’ve had. The home is a happy workplace!
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